P.O. Box 47 West Sacramento, CA 95605-0047
I really strongly urge you to read the Intro (http://asylumsecrets.blogspot.com/2009/12/asylumsecrets-introduction.html) if you haven't!!! (http://www.forum.emilieautumn.com/viewtopic.php?f=155&t=22739)
I must say this now, shoot me for sounding like an irritating broken record, but OH MY GOD!!! You guys are sooo damn sweet with all the support! I mean even fLee likes the blog :) That, my muffin friends, is awesome! My mom is even amazed by how many people are getting into this <3
I must say this now, shoot me for sounding like an irritating broken record, but OH MY GOD!!! You guys are sooo damn sweet with all the support! I mean even fLee likes the blog :) That, my muffin friends, is awesome! My mom is even amazed by how many people are getting into this <3
TEXT PORTION OF THE BLOG <3
AsylumSecret #1: "I don't have anything too secretive but I wanted to send something in :) So here goes...
Embarrassing bit of personal history-my dad's a pastor at a Pentecostal church and all of my immediate family is Christian. That's not to say they're perfect, we're all extremely fucked up in our own ways and both sides of the family have histories of serious mental illness not to mention some other...things. I'm made to attend church every Sunday, any religious event there is, was forced, and I mean that seriously, to be baptized. I don't mind religions, I think some are slightly interesting, but I believe that it should be your decision to follow a certain religion. (Gloomy Sunday's the last song I listen to before going inside that building)
Back to the point though, well, I'm a lesbian. I thought I was totally straight until I started going to this school and after about the fifth girl asked me out I started questioning my sexual orientation. In the end I guess I should have known it all along, and I feel like a bitch cause I thought the first girl that asked me out was kidding and I totally blew her off.
My girlfriend whom I've been dating for a few months now knows my family and they know her as my friend. I have this thing where I get too attached to people and I love them indefinitely and so I still love my family very dearly and I hate lying to them about something as big as this but I could never really be true to them until I was absolutely in charge of my own life and they couldn't take anything away from me, namely my girlfriend and my music.
On a side note, my mother was able to attend the second Emilie Autumn concert along with my girlfriend and I and she wants me to quit listening to her music because I'm going to "follow in their footsteps" and...be gay. Which is absolutely hilarious for many, MANY reasons mostly irony but still sucks terribly. I'm a very paranoid person though and I'm constantly deleting texts and lying a hell of a lot. My mother and I are very close but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this facade up and running so if I disappear from any forums or Twitter for an extended amount of time you'll know what's happened.
AsylumSecret #1: "I don't have anything too secretive but I wanted to send something in :) So here goes...
Embarrassing bit of personal history-my dad's a pastor at a Pentecostal church and all of my immediate family is Christian. That's not to say they're perfect, we're all extremely fucked up in our own ways and both sides of the family have histories of serious mental illness not to mention some other...things. I'm made to attend church every Sunday, any religious event there is, was forced, and I mean that seriously, to be baptized. I don't mind religions, I think some are slightly interesting, but I believe that it should be your decision to follow a certain religion. (Gloomy Sunday's the last song I listen to before going inside that building)
Back to the point though, well, I'm a lesbian. I thought I was totally straight until I started going to this school and after about the fifth girl asked me out I started questioning my sexual orientation. In the end I guess I should have known it all along, and I feel like a bitch cause I thought the first girl that asked me out was kidding and I totally blew her off.
My girlfriend whom I've been dating for a few months now knows my family and they know her as my friend. I have this thing where I get too attached to people and I love them indefinitely and so I still love my family very dearly and I hate lying to them about something as big as this but I could never really be true to them until I was absolutely in charge of my own life and they couldn't take anything away from me, namely my girlfriend and my music.
On a side note, my mother was able to attend the second Emilie Autumn concert along with my girlfriend and I and she wants me to quit listening to her music because I'm going to "follow in their footsteps" and...be gay. Which is absolutely hilarious for many, MANY reasons mostly irony but still sucks terribly. I'm a very paranoid person though and I'm constantly deleting texts and lying a hell of a lot. My mother and I are very close but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this facade up and running so if I disappear from any forums or Twitter for an extended amount of time you'll know what's happened.
*That was WAAAAY too fucking long so feel free to shorten it up as much as you'd like :) I probably could have cut it up into little bits and sent some in every month for the next five years XD*"
AsylumSecret #2: "Whenever my life gets too 'normal' I start crying. I don't know why I do that but maybe they are right and I am insane.
I'm scared of bananas.
I like hugs but I am also very scared to be huged. I think people willl squeeze me until I die.
that's enough of me or else you will find out who I am ;) oh yes, I am also very paranoid...love and muffins
anonymous."
AsylumSecret #3: "This is super hard - but it's really helped me to read everyone else's secrets so it's time to share my own.
--
I'd like to have children, but I'm afraid that I will hurt them in the ways that I was hurt as a child. That fear has led me to tell everyone that I will never have children, and to stay away from people I care about who have small children.
--
When I was 8 years old, I was sexually assaulted by a boy in my neighborhood. I heard from someone later that his father abused him. Right now, I only remember once that he hurt me, but I have a terrible feeling inside that it happened more than once, and that I was assaulted by someone else too. My greatest fear is that the other person who assaulted me was my grandfather."
AsylumSecret #4: "I have feelings for you...even though you are taken. I wish I could say I didn't want to have these feelings, but to be honest, I like having feelings for you.
I still think about my first love...though he took all that was sane in me.
I love the smell of my friends blood.
I wish I could have Flo's upper body.
I wish I could fly sometimes...
My first crush was a family member..I was 3.
I am so desprete to have sex, I almost went out in the street.
I think about her all the time...
With love,
The author of these secrets"
AsylumSecret #5: "Everyday I wake up and try to live my life like there isn't a gaping hole in my chest.Everyday, that hole gets a little bigger.I'm afraid it might consume me one day, til there's nothing left of me."
AsylumSecret #6: "I am tired of having to explain that I am spiritual but not religious, (leaning toward pagan) especially since my family is super religious and I get holy hell for saying I don't want to go to church because it doesn't feel right...."
AsylumSecret #2: "Whenever my life gets too 'normal' I start crying. I don't know why I do that but maybe they are right and I am insane.
I'm scared of bananas.
I like hugs but I am also very scared to be huged. I think people willl squeeze me until I die.
that's enough of me or else you will find out who I am ;) oh yes, I am also very paranoid...love and muffins
anonymous."
AsylumSecret #3: "This is super hard - but it's really helped me to read everyone else's secrets so it's time to share my own.
--
I'd like to have children, but I'm afraid that I will hurt them in the ways that I was hurt as a child. That fear has led me to tell everyone that I will never have children, and to stay away from people I care about who have small children.
--
When I was 8 years old, I was sexually assaulted by a boy in my neighborhood. I heard from someone later that his father abused him. Right now, I only remember once that he hurt me, but I have a terrible feeling inside that it happened more than once, and that I was assaulted by someone else too. My greatest fear is that the other person who assaulted me was my grandfather."
AsylumSecret #4: "I have feelings for you...even though you are taken. I wish I could say I didn't want to have these feelings, but to be honest, I like having feelings for you.
I still think about my first love...though he took all that was sane in me.
I love the smell of my friends blood.
I wish I could have Flo's upper body.
I wish I could fly sometimes...
My first crush was a family member..I was 3.
I am so desprete to have sex, I almost went out in the street.
I think about her all the time...
With love,
The author of these secrets"
AsylumSecret #5: "Everyday I wake up and try to live my life like there isn't a gaping hole in my chest.Everyday, that hole gets a little bigger.I'm afraid it might consume me one day, til there's nothing left of me."
AsylumSecret #6: "I am tired of having to explain that I am spiritual but not religious, (leaning toward pagan) especially since my family is super religious and I get holy hell for saying I don't want to go to church because it doesn't feel right...."
AsylumSecret #7: "I had an abortion a little over a month ago, and I feel absolutely nothing. Not the numb kind of grief, just nothing, like it never happened. I think about it, and I just shrug and think "yeah, I did what I had to do." I don't feel any remorse, and I wonder if I'm a bad person for not feeling anything."
AsylumSecret #8: "I was listening to "God Help Me" while I was stalked/ jumped in December. I've never felt so close to Emilie before."
AsylumSecret #9: "Every night when I have to go to sleep, I feel terrified. I don't know why, but it's this feeling of pure fear for something I do not know. This is the reason why I have sleeping problems and a slight isomnia. My parents know about this, but do not seem to tackle the main problem. I feel so childish and stupid because of this problem."
AsylumSecret #10: "I'm dating this wonderful girl who deserves so much happiness. She caress for others to the point of feeling sick, she stands up for what she believes in and she's incredibly patient. To top it all off, she's beautiful, yet I don't think I can ever fall in love with her. Granted, we've only been dating for two months, but I've never gotten butterflies, I never think about her much when she's gone. And yet, the reason I still go on dating her is because she is convenient. She's gorgeous, hard working, passionate and I feel 100% comfortable around her. She supports me, provides for me, and she'll never hurt me. I've been hurt by exes in ways no human should ever hurt another, and people in general years before I hit puberty. I'll always need her so much more than I love her. In all honesty, I don't even know if it's possible for me to love someone without being beaten."
PICTURE PORTION OF THE BLOG <3
(The part in pink that you can barely see says "When you left"<3)>
(I fought with this picture forEVER, all you need to do is click it though, I'm sorry it looks so ugly and stretched out! Please click to view!)
